Doing it myself: Building a sense of agency

How would it affect your self-concept if someone did everything for you—someone who could do it more quickly, more efficiently, more competently? Sometimes we like having things done for us, but not all the time. Building a positive sense of self relies on having many experiences where the message is ‘You are capable, you can do things for yourself’, along with learning that help is available if needed.

Finishing sentences for children when they are talking, completing a drawing for them, always carrying them instead of letting them move on their own, feeding them when they want to feed themselves, picking them up and putting them in chairs instead of giving them the time to do it are the kinds of experiences that can interfere with children’s view of themselves as competent and confident learners.

Knowing when to give help and when to encourage children to do things for themselves, without pressuring them, is one of the biggest challenges adults face in their relationships with children.